Facebook; more like Usebook

Facebook is a mysterious and wonderful phenomenon. At least it was before I started year eleven/VCE and it became my number one stop in regards to procrastinating. At least once a week, I open my friends list with the intentions to delete the people who I couldn't really give a shit about. The 'friends' who post a ridiculous amount of 'selfies' with the comment 'I'm saaaa ugly' or the people who plague my newsfeed with over emotional and overly bearing status' consisting of 'YY duz lyf haff to b so shit. I just wnt 2 b happy but NO! u hve 2 cum screw it up. I dont fink I can live N E more. I juss wnt 2 dye' - Yet every time I open that list, I click straight back out of it.

I try to justify it with the fact that I like stalking peoples' profile and I find the depressing status' and compliment fishing pictures entertaining but the truth is, our Facebook friends all have potential opportunities. In ten years time, when I may be running for parliament or trying to organise a school reunion, I can utilise everyone of my 698 'friends.' With every deletion of a profile, I lose an opportunity.
-That person I went to primary school with and haven't seen in 7 years, she could be the wife of the minister for immigration
- That person who posts over emotional status' could be a financial consultant who might just be able to tell me one day how I can get the most out of my money
- The one guy who keeps sending me a painful amount of game requests to play mob wars could be my future husband
the list goes on,

It's funny to think that I practically skipped the Myspace stage by joining Facebook early on. I joined for quite a funny reason actually. It was to have a 'pet dragon' on one of the stupid games that Facebook has. And as people started joining, my game playing decreased and my networking increased. Now, it has probably become the most valuable tool in my life. I don't have everyone of facebooks number but I do have their profile. I do have the ability to inbox them. When I had math problems, I'd ask the typical nerd friend. When I had english problems, I'd ask the girl who has the popular blog. When I had VCE management issues, I'd ask the girl who passed with an ENTER score of 97.4. The possibilities are never ending.

Whilst the majority of my friends, I do actually know as a result of moving around so much, there are those who I really should delete. Some I keep for entertainment because it's just so hilarious seeing people attempt to achieve something and fail or go around trying to fish for compliments. But I do know that one day, I will probably need that person who I haven't contacted in years to help me do something and I know this sounds like I'm just using society but that's how life works.

Happy Birthday to me.

'twinkle twinkle little star'

The concept of stars is a true reflection of humans.
When you gaze at stars and they twinkle, you cannot help but think 'stars are so beautiful' little do we consider that up close, they are fiery, raging balls of gas that wouldn't be 'so beautiful'. I feel as though the same thing can be seen in people. But instead of millions if not billions of kilometres between you and them, their façade is the thing that stops us from seeing the truth. People wear smiles and look 'so beautiful' but inside, they are sad or angry or lost. Stars are deceptive parts of nature. We only see and probably only ever will see the little 'twinkle twinkle little star' in the sky. I feel as though this is why we lose people emotionally. Because whilst stars perhaps feel undermined by us (metaphorically of course) - Maybe people want us to see through their barrier at their real pain?

Change happens when someone sees the first step

I'm not expecting you to read this and for it to change your life nor am I writing this for any other reason but to get my thoughts out and see what you guys think in relation to the subject.

The last few days, I have been thinking heaps about what dreams, hopes and aspirations I had as a child. I remember that I always had a weird way of choosing my future occupations.

I never aspired to be a 'princess' as Sarah means 'princess' and therefore I always regarded myself as one but when I was really little, I wanted to be a teacher. I think the core reason for this was solely because it was the first job I was ever aware of as I saw at least one almost everyday of my life after the age of 5. The second dream job I had was to be a psychologist. I think my heart was with helping people at the time (until every bitch in da hood started pissing me off. I honestly don't know how one can sit in a room and listen to other people complaining to them all day). my third job dream was definitely a flight attendant. There was such a huge novelty about jumping on a plane looking hot and pointing at the doors until someone told me 'There just a glorified waitress and you'd be wasting your life'. The words wasting your life are the reason that dream crashed pretty heavily. That's always been my worst nightmare. Wasting my life. I finally became content with a future career in year 6 and that was to become a nurse.

There's one constant in all these dreams (except the flight attendant haha) and that was 'make a difference'

Ever since I was little, I've wanted to change the world. I've wanted to do something that can really alter peoples perception on something or that can change peoples lives. I want to end world poverty, I want to give everybody a place they can call home and someone they can say loves them. I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

I sat in class the other day, staring out the window wondering what people who have infact changed the world were doing at my age. I always hear really inspirational stories. There's 2 that i remember quite strongly. A 9 year old boy who raised an incredible amount of money to purchase and build wells in africa and a 19 year old girl who started an orphanage for 17 children in uganda. I just wonder, obviously i'm a little past 9 but what was the girl doing at my age?

the majority of the population live in their own world. They work, they love their friends and family, they live for themselves and a closed off group of people. So what makes me any different from them? what makes my future any different from theirs. Will I be a part of the minority who does infact change the world and make a difference?

Suicide and the assumption of 'it gets better'

Sorry I haven’t been here in a while. I don’t even know who I’m apologising to, there’s like what, 15 of you who are following this?

Anyway, the reason I haven’t been here for a while is because on the forth of august, a 13 year old girl whom I coached in basketball and soccer committed suicide. I wouldn’t say I haven’t been here because I haven’t been coping but realistically, there’s nothing to cope with. I haven’t been here because I have been deciphering the meaning to all this and suicide itself. So with that said, this post is in memory of T.S.K. It may ruffle a few feathers because it is such a rough and raw topic for many but opinions are always personal and you don’t have to agree with them.

I think people who say suicide is selfish are selfish themselves. We constantly pump into generations that there is always hope and suicide is not the answer and obviously people wonder if it is but, what if it actually is? Or is everyone who did truly deep down wonder that dead? Of course when someone dies it leaves such a hole in not only many lives but many places. There’s places I can’t go without thinking of the people I’ve lost. But the thing is, who are we to tell someone that it will get better. One cannot understand everything occurring in another’s life, so how can we make the assumption that it will actually get better?

I myself would only do such a thing if my curiosity about my future was to subside, but I do not think I am done yet. Expecting someone to continue living in such pain is a selfish act. Of all the people I know who have succeeded at their attempts; they were all getting treatment for their mental state. Maybe it doesn’t get better though?

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post about how ‘awful my life is’ or how if you are down, you should end it just incase it doesn’t get better. Not at all! This is a post that comes from the alternative view on the issue.  When suicide occurs, psychologists say there are numerous stages of response. The first being denial. The second being sadness and the third being anger. How can one be angry at someone else because they couldn’t cope with the issues they had. That too, is selfish,

I am not one to say that suicide is ALWAYS the right option, but I think you know when you’re in an unbearable amount of pain and sometimes the circumstances are entirely understandable.

I’m going the leave with this.

I’ve experienced some pretty traumatic events in my life. I promise one day I will share in further detail what those are but for now it isn’t appropriate. When I was in year 7, I attempted suicide numerous times. I practically lived in a psych ward for a bit. I don’t regret it. I’m not ‘happy’ I lived because in all honesty, I don’t care. My life was awful at the time and I didn’t think it would get better. Infact, I didn’t care if it would get better, all I cared about was it not getting worse or platueing. Who are we as people to decide when a person can or cannot live. The declaration of human rights states that all humans ‘have a right to live’ so why don’t they have ‘a right to die’

Life is our own and although with the ending of it, many are impacted. Recovering from a death is possible, living in pain forever is not.

R.I.P Tess. I hope that wherever you are, you don’t regret the decision and you are happy. We will all see you soon one day and you can tell us all stories about how much mess you make up there. You were a beautiful girl and it was an honour coaching you. Many people miss you, but I understand. I hope your pain ended.