After a long week in Sydney, I finally have returned home but not with the feelings I thought I would. In a desperate attempt to make this seem as little like a diary entry as possible, I don't think it'll do much.
The last time I was in the beverly hills house and commission villa, I was a little 13 year old who acted way to mature for her age and thought she understood and was apart of all the bad things that occured in the area. The thing about NSW is there is a huge social stigma in schools that being the 'rebel' and 'hardcore' person is actually a good thing. In my lifetime, I have been to 4 schools in NSW and maybe the locations of each school were the determining factor of the environment but each school was as bad as the next and there is so much pressure to be rebellious.
The Department of Housing Villas that are situated on Mercury Street, Beverly Hills are definitely not the most nice and suitable place for children to reside.
I remember as a pre teen, I though I understood it all and this was because I was apart of it.
I knew that there were drug dealers and meth labs in the commissions because I was friends with them all.
I knew that there were paedophiles there because I used to tease them.
I knew that there were people who probably should be in jail or have been in jail because I was one of them
and I knew that no one there had any chance of going anywhere good because that's just the reality.
However; upon returning in the good old year of 2012 at the age of 17, I learnt that it was way worse than I could have imagined.
I always knew that there were bad things going on in there but I didn't know the severity of it.
Now that I'm back in Melbourne and have had time to reflect, all I can think is 'Have I been over exaggerating all my issues and experiences from that time'
The reason I think this is because I always feel that I am so strong for getting out of there. I like to exaggerate my own accomplishments and this is one I frequently find myself exaggerating.
But maybe I had no right to because to me, it really wasn't that bad.
The question I am here to impose upon those of you who genuinely take an interest in these posts is to consider whether our experiences are relative.
cheers mate.
27 cats*
Sometimes I wouldn't mind a different life. If not for the opportunity to get away from the hell hole I find myself living in, then perhaps to find a new appreciation for the life I have.
As I sit in the back room of my best friends house, whilst everyone sleeps and the only noise I can hear is that of the heater blowing hot air into the atmosphere and the clanging of the keys as I put my fingers on each particular key, I can't help but think 'is this how it's going to be forever'
I'm almost certain that the majority of people living in the western world have heard the saying 'someone out there has it worse than you' but sometimes it feels like our lives are the only ones that are important. It's almost an attempt to downplay the issues we face everyday and although it's said in good spirit to try and convince someone that their issues are not the worst in the world, all it leaves an individual with is the feeling of inadequacy and guilt.
If my attempt to use big words and a wide vocabulary has caused my point of view to become a muffled collaboration of words than I apologise; so let me explain further.
This is not a post that has the intention to complain about every little detail and issue in life but rather one that presents the very strong argument of wether it really does 'get better'. It's almost as though are lives are set for us and choices along the way may be made by our own self but the end result was destined to be.
I regularly find myself questioning where i'll be in 10 years time. Will my most unlikely dream of having two children by 27, a successful career in midwifery and an amazing relationship with a wealthy man be my future, or will I be living in the ghetto and have a job that barely keeps food on the table for ,well, just me.
It is often said that 'what ifs?' and 'i wonders' are potentially the most dangerous questions and statements to be said so is being caught up on what will happen and not what is happening the wrong thing to do? even if living in the moment could be the most depressing thing in the world, at least to me.
I understand that answers for these types of questions and queries are obviously un-answerable but are they not just like dreams and aspirations and the things we want to happen.
So whilst at this very moment in time I am sitting alone in a dark room that is situated in the back of a small-average sized property, barely able to move without a sound echoing throughout the house, maybe one day I'll be in my mansion, living the life long dreams and plans I make for myself. or i'll be lonely with 27 cats* crying about all the things I could and should have done. Just kidding, i'll kill myself if that ever happens
Time will tell.
*I don't get why it's 27 cats. It's always 27 cats. Maybe it's a sign that i'll only have 3 cats but they all have 9 lives so that makes 27. fuck society making trends about the number of cats i'll have. I'll have as many cats as I want you cunts. Fuck that shit, i'll have 24 cats, okay bitches!
As I sit in the back room of my best friends house, whilst everyone sleeps and the only noise I can hear is that of the heater blowing hot air into the atmosphere and the clanging of the keys as I put my fingers on each particular key, I can't help but think 'is this how it's going to be forever'
I'm almost certain that the majority of people living in the western world have heard the saying 'someone out there has it worse than you' but sometimes it feels like our lives are the only ones that are important. It's almost an attempt to downplay the issues we face everyday and although it's said in good spirit to try and convince someone that their issues are not the worst in the world, all it leaves an individual with is the feeling of inadequacy and guilt.
If my attempt to use big words and a wide vocabulary has caused my point of view to become a muffled collaboration of words than I apologise; so let me explain further.
This is not a post that has the intention to complain about every little detail and issue in life but rather one that presents the very strong argument of wether it really does 'get better'. It's almost as though are lives are set for us and choices along the way may be made by our own self but the end result was destined to be.
I regularly find myself questioning where i'll be in 10 years time. Will my most unlikely dream of having two children by 27, a successful career in midwifery and an amazing relationship with a wealthy man be my future, or will I be living in the ghetto and have a job that barely keeps food on the table for ,well, just me.
It is often said that 'what ifs?' and 'i wonders' are potentially the most dangerous questions and statements to be said so is being caught up on what will happen and not what is happening the wrong thing to do? even if living in the moment could be the most depressing thing in the world, at least to me.
I understand that answers for these types of questions and queries are obviously un-answerable but are they not just like dreams and aspirations and the things we want to happen.
So whilst at this very moment in time I am sitting alone in a dark room that is situated in the back of a small-average sized property, barely able to move without a sound echoing throughout the house, maybe one day I'll be in my mansion, living the life long dreams and plans I make for myself. or i'll be lonely with 27 cats* crying about all the things I could and should have done. Just kidding, i'll kill myself if that ever happens
Time will tell.
*I don't get why it's 27 cats. It's always 27 cats. Maybe it's a sign that i'll only have 3 cats but they all have 9 lives so that makes 27. fuck society making trends about the number of cats i'll have. I'll have as many cats as I want you cunts. Fuck that shit, i'll have 24 cats, okay bitches!
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