Sydney Shocker

After a long week in Sydney, I finally have returned home but not with the feelings I thought I would. In a desperate attempt to make this seem as little like a diary entry as possible, I don't think it'll do much.
The last time I was in the beverly hills house and commission villa, I was a little 13 year old who acted way to mature for her age and thought she understood and was apart of all the bad things that occured in the area. The thing about NSW is there is a huge social stigma in schools that being the 'rebel' and 'hardcore' person is actually a good thing. In my lifetime, I have been to 4 schools in NSW and maybe the locations of each school were the determining factor of the environment but each school was as bad as the next and there is so much pressure to be rebellious.
The Department of Housing Villas that are situated on Mercury Street, Beverly Hills are definitely not the most nice and suitable place for children to reside.
I remember as a pre teen, I though I understood it all and this was because I was apart of it.
 I knew that there were drug dealers and meth labs in the commissions because I was friends with them all.
I knew that there were paedophiles there because I used to tease them.
I knew that there were people who probably should be in jail or have been in jail because I was one of them
and I knew that no one there had any chance of going anywhere good because that's just the reality.
However; upon returning in the good old year of 2012 at the age of 17, I learnt that it was way worse than I could have imagined.
I always knew that there were bad things going on in there but I didn't know the severity of it.
Now that I'm back in Melbourne and have had time to reflect, all I can think is 'Have I been over exaggerating all my issues and experiences from that time'
The reason I think this is because I always feel that I am so strong for getting out of there. I like to exaggerate my own accomplishments and this is one I frequently find myself exaggerating.
But maybe I had no right to because to me, it really wasn't that bad.

The question I am here to impose upon those of you who genuinely take an interest in these posts is to consider whether our experiences are relative.
cheers mate.

27 cats*

Sometimes I wouldn't mind a different life. If not for the opportunity to get away from the hell hole I find myself living in, then perhaps to find a new appreciation for the life I have.
As I sit in the back room of my best friends house, whilst everyone sleeps and the only noise I can hear is that of the heater blowing hot air into the atmosphere and the clanging of the keys as I put my fingers on each particular key, I can't help but think 'is this how it's going to be forever'

I'm almost certain that the majority of people living in the western world have heard the saying 'someone out there has it worse than you' but sometimes it feels like our lives are the only ones that are important. It's almost an attempt to downplay the issues we face everyday and although it's said in good spirit to try and convince someone that their issues are not the worst in the world, all it leaves an individual with is the feeling of inadequacy and guilt.

If my attempt to use big words and a wide vocabulary has caused my point of view to become a muffled collaboration of words than I apologise; so let me explain further.

This is not a post that has the intention to complain about every little detail and issue in life but rather one that presents the very strong argument of wether it really does 'get better'. It's almost as though are lives are set for us and choices along the way may be made by our own self but the end result was destined to be.
I regularly find myself questioning where i'll be in 10 years time. Will my most unlikely dream of having two children by 27, a successful career in midwifery and an amazing relationship with a wealthy man be my future, or will I be living in the ghetto and have a job that barely keeps food on the table for ,well, just me.

It is often said that 'what ifs?' and 'i wonders' are potentially the most dangerous questions and statements to be said so is being caught up on what will happen and not what is happening the wrong thing to do? even if living in the moment could be the most depressing thing in the world, at least to me.

I understand that answers for these types of questions and queries are obviously un-answerable but are they not just like dreams and aspirations and the things we want to happen.

So whilst at this very moment in time I am sitting alone in a dark room that is situated in the back of a small-average sized property, barely able to move without a sound echoing throughout the house, maybe one day I'll be in my mansion, living the life long dreams and plans I make for myself. or i'll be lonely with 27 cats* crying about all the things I could and should have done. Just kidding, i'll kill myself if that ever happens
Time will tell.

*I don't get why it's 27 cats. It's always 27 cats. Maybe it's a sign that i'll only have 3 cats but they all have 9 lives so that makes 27. fuck society making trends about the number of cats i'll have. I'll have as many cats as I want you cunts. Fuck that shit, i'll have 24 cats, okay bitches!

Nobody is illegal.

Today someone told me that they think that Muslims should use their terrorist attacks for good and go and blow up refugee boats. I still feel ill. 

So I've attached an English speech that I did at the beginning of this year which aims to convince people that not only is mandatory detention illogical but to lend a sense of understanding as to why people flee their country. 

Imagine this. You live in a country where each day, you’re fighting to stay alive. Going to school could be a life or death situation, or worse yet, you may not have even had an education at all. A nation where the government is against the people, not for the people. An environment which is unsafe for anyone, yet is called home by millions of people each day.

Then one day, someone approaches you offering a way out, an opportunity for freedom and to live in safety. So you pool together your few assets and risk your life on a run down boat all for this dream to become a reality but when you arrive, you are captured by the Government and locked up in what feels like a prison, surrounded by hundreds of men, women and children who are in similar situations, simply looking for freedom.

 Each year, an average of 3000 people arrive by boat into Australia. The majority of these people are placed in the horrible conditions of mandatory detention centres where it can take up to 2 to 3 years to be processed as a genuine refugee and granted asylum. There are better ways than locking helpless people up where they are more prone to obtaining a mental illness and increased suicide risks.

Our own national anthem says ‘for those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share’ except, the only plains we seem to be sharing with them are the 1 of 13 detention centres spread across our country and the planes we’re sending them back in.

We as a nation claim to strive on multiculturalism and democracy yet we lock up those who come to strengthen our multicultural communities and give them no say and hardly any rights. Our country claims one thing, yet does another and this is setting an unrealistic image to those who think coming to Australia provides freedom and safety when it only grants them anytime up to 3 years in captivity and inhumane environments.

Immigration detention centres increase suicide risks and mental illnesses. On the day of June 9 2011, there were five incidents of self-harm, two hanging attempts, four threats of self-harm and one of suicide ideation. This is all completely preventable with the abolishment of mandatory detention. Although there is health treatment access in detention centres there is not enough facilities to cater for the amount of mental illnesses and self harm threats made. In 2010, 1137 claims of self harm were made. This is 1137 to many.

Due to being locked up and yearning for freedom, health deteriorates and some have even tried throwing themselves at the barb wired fences or even attempting suicide with shaving razors. If we lock people up and they commit suicide as a result of the conditions we put them in, is their blood not on our hands?

An article in the age on July 6th 2011 called ‘Detention centres are mental illness factories’ claims that there is a relationship between mental health and length stayed in detention centres. The longer the stay, the more deterioted the asylum seekers health, which shows that detention is not good for the health and rights of a person.

Only 40% of those who overstay their visa, then apply for refugee status are found to be genuine refugees. Between 80-97% of those who arrive by boat are found to be genuine refugees. Yet, regardless of what statistics show, those who arrive by boat are immediately locked up, but those who overstay their visa and are caught are usually offered a ‘bridging visa’ which allows them to stay and function in the community whilst their immigration matter is being resolved.

If those who arrive by plane can function in society whilst their applications are being processed, the question is, why can’t those who arrive by boat? The answer is, they can, they just aren’t given the opportunity. We as a nation base our opinions on fear, not fact and this therefore creates unreasonable treatment towards asylum seekers. 

Those in favour of mandatory detention argue that if we were to just allow them to enter communities, there would be small ‘ghetto’s’ around the country and an increased and overpopulated nation.

The government spend an average of 110 thousand dollars per asylum seeker. This has totalled to 2.4 billion dollars since 2000. If all the money spent on holding asylum seekers in mandatory detention was put towards creating new infrastructure and communities, this would not only provide new, facilitated suburbs for asylum seekers and other members of society, this would also create new job opportunities and refugees would function normally and constructively as soon-to-be Australians

It is made evident that mandatory detention is no good for the health or rights of asylum seekers, not does it do any good to the economy. For the standards and morals our nation tries to show other countries, we don’t seem to be standing by what we say. There are more appropriate ways for asylum seekers to live whilst being processed as stated earlier, by creating new suburbs and communities.

The question I leave you with is this. If one day, you woke up and everything you had and knew disappeared, the nation was corrupt, war was everywhere and you knew that if you stayed, you and your children would die at a age to premature, would you migrate to another country to seek fulfilment and safety?

BFFL lyk OMG

Im not sure if it's just my complete hate for the majority of society or if i've actually pinpointed something correctly, but it has to be impossible to like everything about someone and never be worried about their negatives because you feel they have none. 

My mum recently got into what she refers to as a 'long term relationship' (not that she even knows the meaning of long term) and I asked her what flaws she sees in this person. Her response was simply to say that she can see none because he has none. 

This brings me onto friends. I don't know if it's normal to hate your best friend, but I certainly do. There's very few people I don't hate in this world and my dad is situated at the top of that list, very little people sit with him. So this take me to the point of whether friends actually do exist.

I don't know if it's just because I've spent a lot of my life moving around from school to school but I can't say I've really held a stable relationship in which I feel a mutual liking and ability to put up with each other. I like to think that my 'best friends' are one of those people that I can be around a alot and get on with really well but the truth is, I really can't. Sometimes, and this has become apparent loads more recently, I end up wondering whether the concept of a 'friendship' is actually one that is true. The dictionary states friendship to be The emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.

Not many people like me, which is nothing new to me or no real surprise and the reason for this is because I'm a mean person. There really only is two people to blame for how mean I am, one of those being me and the other being someone who will perhaps feature in a different post. Anyway, the reason I stated that I'm not very liked is to point out that perhaps that is the reason I don't see the truth in friendship or maybe I don't see it because I just genuinely view things alot different to other people. 

I'm not saying that I don't have mock relationships with people in which they are referred to as 'friendships'. I have plenty of people with whom I share that name with. Yet, they're not real. Maybe I haven't found a 'real friend' yet, maybe I just pushed them away. Or maybe, just maybe, they don't actually exist and everything we know is a lie.

....

The saddest thing I have ever had told to me was when I was about 14 and my sister who is now about 95% deaf told me that even though everyone she knows is aware of the fact that eventually she will go entirely deaf, I am the only person who has ever bothered to attempt to learn sign language.
I dropped off a lot but now I've made a promise to myself to learn it by the end of 2012.
Wish me luck!