Happy Birthday to me.

'twinkle twinkle little star'

The concept of stars is a true reflection of humans.
When you gaze at stars and they twinkle, you cannot help but think 'stars are so beautiful' little do we consider that up close, they are fiery, raging balls of gas that wouldn't be 'so beautiful'. I feel as though the same thing can be seen in people. But instead of millions if not billions of kilometres between you and them, their façade is the thing that stops us from seeing the truth. People wear smiles and look 'so beautiful' but inside, they are sad or angry or lost. Stars are deceptive parts of nature. We only see and probably only ever will see the little 'twinkle twinkle little star' in the sky. I feel as though this is why we lose people emotionally. Because whilst stars perhaps feel undermined by us (metaphorically of course) - Maybe people want us to see through their barrier at their real pain?

Change happens when someone sees the first step

I'm not expecting you to read this and for it to change your life nor am I writing this for any other reason but to get my thoughts out and see what you guys think in relation to the subject.

The last few days, I have been thinking heaps about what dreams, hopes and aspirations I had as a child. I remember that I always had a weird way of choosing my future occupations.

I never aspired to be a 'princess' as Sarah means 'princess' and therefore I always regarded myself as one but when I was really little, I wanted to be a teacher. I think the core reason for this was solely because it was the first job I was ever aware of as I saw at least one almost everyday of my life after the age of 5. The second dream job I had was to be a psychologist. I think my heart was with helping people at the time (until every bitch in da hood started pissing me off. I honestly don't know how one can sit in a room and listen to other people complaining to them all day). my third job dream was definitely a flight attendant. There was such a huge novelty about jumping on a plane looking hot and pointing at the doors until someone told me 'There just a glorified waitress and you'd be wasting your life'. The words wasting your life are the reason that dream crashed pretty heavily. That's always been my worst nightmare. Wasting my life. I finally became content with a future career in year 6 and that was to become a nurse.

There's one constant in all these dreams (except the flight attendant haha) and that was 'make a difference'

Ever since I was little, I've wanted to change the world. I've wanted to do something that can really alter peoples perception on something or that can change peoples lives. I want to end world poverty, I want to give everybody a place they can call home and someone they can say loves them. I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

I sat in class the other day, staring out the window wondering what people who have infact changed the world were doing at my age. I always hear really inspirational stories. There's 2 that i remember quite strongly. A 9 year old boy who raised an incredible amount of money to purchase and build wells in africa and a 19 year old girl who started an orphanage for 17 children in uganda. I just wonder, obviously i'm a little past 9 but what was the girl doing at my age?

the majority of the population live in their own world. They work, they love their friends and family, they live for themselves and a closed off group of people. So what makes me any different from them? what makes my future any different from theirs. Will I be a part of the minority who does infact change the world and make a difference?

Suicide and the assumption of 'it gets better'

Sorry I haven’t been here in a while. I don’t even know who I’m apologising to, there’s like what, 15 of you who are following this?

Anyway, the reason I haven’t been here for a while is because on the forth of august, a 13 year old girl whom I coached in basketball and soccer committed suicide. I wouldn’t say I haven’t been here because I haven’t been coping but realistically, there’s nothing to cope with. I haven’t been here because I have been deciphering the meaning to all this and suicide itself. So with that said, this post is in memory of T.S.K. It may ruffle a few feathers because it is such a rough and raw topic for many but opinions are always personal and you don’t have to agree with them.

I think people who say suicide is selfish are selfish themselves. We constantly pump into generations that there is always hope and suicide is not the answer and obviously people wonder if it is but, what if it actually is? Or is everyone who did truly deep down wonder that dead? Of course when someone dies it leaves such a hole in not only many lives but many places. There’s places I can’t go without thinking of the people I’ve lost. But the thing is, who are we to tell someone that it will get better. One cannot understand everything occurring in another’s life, so how can we make the assumption that it will actually get better?

I myself would only do such a thing if my curiosity about my future was to subside, but I do not think I am done yet. Expecting someone to continue living in such pain is a selfish act. Of all the people I know who have succeeded at their attempts; they were all getting treatment for their mental state. Maybe it doesn’t get better though?

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post about how ‘awful my life is’ or how if you are down, you should end it just incase it doesn’t get better. Not at all! This is a post that comes from the alternative view on the issue.  When suicide occurs, psychologists say there are numerous stages of response. The first being denial. The second being sadness and the third being anger. How can one be angry at someone else because they couldn’t cope with the issues they had. That too, is selfish,

I am not one to say that suicide is ALWAYS the right option, but I think you know when you’re in an unbearable amount of pain and sometimes the circumstances are entirely understandable.

I’m going the leave with this.

I’ve experienced some pretty traumatic events in my life. I promise one day I will share in further detail what those are but for now it isn’t appropriate. When I was in year 7, I attempted suicide numerous times. I practically lived in a psych ward for a bit. I don’t regret it. I’m not ‘happy’ I lived because in all honesty, I don’t care. My life was awful at the time and I didn’t think it would get better. Infact, I didn’t care if it would get better, all I cared about was it not getting worse or platueing. Who are we as people to decide when a person can or cannot live. The declaration of human rights states that all humans ‘have a right to live’ so why don’t they have ‘a right to die’

Life is our own and although with the ending of it, many are impacted. Recovering from a death is possible, living in pain forever is not.

R.I.P Tess. I hope that wherever you are, you don’t regret the decision and you are happy. We will all see you soon one day and you can tell us all stories about how much mess you make up there. You were a beautiful girl and it was an honour coaching you. Many people miss you, but I understand. I hope your pain ended.

The art of deception

When I was younger and didn't want any more dinner, my mum would slide her fork down the middle of the plate and tell me to eat one half and then I could go. She'd continue to do that until there was a mouthful of food on the plate and it would be pointless to waste. I'm sure all parents have done something of the sort to their kid, heck! I did it to my younger siblings until they were old enough to realise that there were no consequences. Although an extremely mild example, this world is plagued with deception and as a result, it's a fairly difficult accomplishment to become even somewhat of a down to earth, no 'bullshit' type of person.

We're always told to get to the root of the issue if change is to be achieved and in the case of deception, it is almost necessary to start at the seemingly trivial issue of the events during childhood. Posts on the internet that insinuate that we have a right to lie to our parents as they did to us very often when growing up in situations such as Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy display the obvious yet beneficial lies we grow up with (but who doesn't like presents, chocolate and money?) yet the problem is so much deeper and concealed than that. 

My 10 year old sister often takes cigarettes out of my mums packets and waves them around and puts them in her mouth. She is only 2 years shy of when I first started myself. I remember mum telling me as an attempt to scare us kids out of smoking that the reason she was so crazy was because she stole a cigarette off her mum when she was a teenager and her mum had poisoned it. Obviously, this was not enough to scare me but it is proof of how many lies are in our lives.

We are genuinely surrounded my deceiving advertisements on TV and on billboards. 

- 'Get the perfect skin ten days for $39.95*'

*perfect skin will not occur as this is impossible, no refunds, no exchanges. $97 postage and handling. Terms and Conditions apply.

- 'Try the Celery Diet and keep the weight off*'

*Weight will come back on if you have anything other than celery ever again. Terms and Conditions apply.

- 'Avoid running out of credit and switch to a plan, it's cheaper*'

* Only cheaper if you use your phone 200% less than originally when on pre paid. If you go over your plan you will owe the company more money that you've ever seen on a bank statement of yours and you will have alot of issues with us, the carrier. Terms and Conditions apply.

Our desires and fears are used in order to trick us into doing or not doing things. We are surrounded by deception and lies and this in turn rubs off onto us at a very young age.

'Sarah, did you steal my credit card and buy $600 dollars worth of phone credit' (true story)

'No dad' (yes Dad)

'Sarah, did you go into my bedroom and take my mascara'

'No Suzie' (yes Suzie)

'Sarah, did you do your homework'

'Yes miss, but I left it at home' (No miss, but I'm sure you're going to believe that excuse because you've never heard it before)

I am a compulsive liar, that is a definite but I don't put this down to nature, this one belongs in the nurture part of 'the book of reasoning to Sarah's behaviour' - 

The movie 'The Invention of Lying' resulted in me leaving the cinemas with the question 'Where did lying actually stem from' and it made me come to a conclusion of that in this day and age, it is just a 'normal' behaviour and like talking, walking, reading and writing which are also normal behaviours, it is acquired from the observation and education of and from others. 

Deception will not be eradicated because that's impossible. How will the retail sector and beauty product business' survive.