living vs existing

There was once a time in my life when I was so miserable and feeling so hopeless that I would spend my entire day sorting through the patches of grass near my property looking for four leaf clovers. Most of the time, I came home with a few and I would then put them into a seal lock bag with a piece of paper that had all my wishes on there. Usually, being a fairly superstitious person, I wouldn't tell you the wishes but considering the fact that the most important one has come true, I think it's okay to do so. I don't really remember them all, just the top wish, the one that belonged to the biggest clover.
'Make me happy'

However, I don't know if being happy is really all it's jacked up to be. For a very long time, when I finally sorted my life out, I actually wanted to be miserable again. I wanted something bad to happen in my life again so I could go back to square one. I wonder whether that was because at the time, when I was 'happy' and had bouts of sadness, I didn't feel it was justified seeing I had moved on from my past or whether it was because I'd known what the feeling of hopelessness felt like and was more comfortable sitting in my own pool of sadness rather than that of joy.

On my bedroom wall, I have a poster which has all these different questions (http://thoughtquestions.com/) and one of those is this;

Sometimes I wonder if we're even 'living' when we're happy and whether we're merely 'existing' when we're miserable.