I have always hated reading. I hardly get through books I have to read for school and if I do, it's always with great struggle. However; I have found some joy in reading diary forms of books. Destroying Avalon is one of those books which I couldn't say I could read again but did read with interest. I never really got my pleasure out of published books though. This is awful, but because books bored me, I resorted to reading my step sisters diaries. I would go into her room when I was about 9 or 10, grab her diaries and just sit in my room and read them when I was home alone. I don't remember much of them to be honest, but there is one thing I did read in which I will probably never fail to remember. In her diary, she mentioned that she 'hooked up' with my brother. Before people jump to conclusion and assume I'm from Tasmania, they're not related at all. As I look back on it, it makes me realise that we all have secrets of our own. Ones that would be better left unknown by anyone but ourselves.
I have one secret that only the other person involved knows, and that's only if they remember. A secret that I know I will never unleash and will only be revealed if the other person chooses to. The secret will ruin my life, but I have entirely prepared for that and I am ready for when the day comes, if the day comes. But that is besides the purpose of this post. I am a fairly open person. I believe that if you have a story, you should share it so you can help other people. But it also displays your strength and I think that's important in aiding other people to understand you better. However; I never really thought it was possible that people can hold something to themselves. I always wonder if perhaps, I may be one of very few who hold onto something that no one knows about.
I can't say I know whether people hold onto stuff that the majority of people are unaware of because the majority of people don't go around publicising the fact that they have secrets. Often I consider whether it is better left unsaid but I have learnt through my 18 years of life that it usually is. I often persuade people into considering that 'it is better in than out' and I tell myself every day that this is the truth I follow.
On the night of my year 12 formal, I was heading home from the after party and I was on the nigh trider heading to the city so I could swap buses to head home. A boy, probably a few years older than me sat next to me and started talking about things. As we got off the bus in the city and were about to part ways, he said something to me. I didn't actually work out the answer until recently, but the riddle consisted of the following
If you have them, you want to share them, but when you share them, you no longer have them
I often don't know what to do. More often than not, I'm usually not doing the right thing. Perhaps, me keeping the secret is burdening the other person as much as it does to me. I think about it every day and despite the knowledge that telling someone would ruin my life, I come close to telling people.
The whole point is though, that I am just so curious to know if everyone has a similar thing. If most people have something that no one is aware of, or if it is rare in this day and age where people treat their experiences as disposables.
Whatever man, life is silly.
on a totally different note; I learnt yesterday how Victoria's secret came about. A man who was embarrassed about going into lingerie stores to buy his wife sexy underwear made the shop so people could discretely enter and purchase their goods. Pretty cool huh?
